A Very Silly, Very True* Story
*according to bulldogs
This is Wrinkles. Wrinkles is a bulldog, which means his face has approximately eleven thousand wrinkles, and every single one is secretly a tiny pocket for hiding snacks. Scientists have not confirmed this. Wrinkles has.
Sunny the golden retriever has never met a squirrel, mail truck, butterfly, or his own tail that he did not immediately need to chase at top speed. Today alone he has knocked over Grandma's lamp four times. It is 9:15 in the morning.
While Sunny runs seventeen laps around the backyard chasing a leaf, Wrinkles has perfected the ancient art of Sitting On The Couch Like A Furry Meatloaf. This makes him an EXCELLENT guard dog, because burglars always trip over him snoring in the hallway.
Wrinkles snores so loudly that the smoke detector once tried to snore back. Sunny, meanwhile, sleeps in total silence, which honestly is just SHOWING OFF and nobody asked, Sunny.
Sunny once slobbered so much on a pizza that the pizza slid off the table on its own, just to escape. Wrinkles has never slobbered on anything, mostly because Wrinkles refuses to open his mouth for anything that isn't food.
Scientists (Wrinkles) have confirmed that a bulldog's face is scientifically the perfect shape for smooshing between two hands while saying "who's a good wrinkly boy" in a silly voice. Golden retrievers have nice faces too, but let's be honest, it's just not the same level of smoosh.
Golden retrievers are good, sweet, silly, wonderful dogs, and Sunny really is a very good boy. BUT — trophies are heavy, and Wrinkles is the undisputed champion of Sitting On Things Without Moving, including trophies. So really, the trophy just belongs to him by default.
Don't just take Wrinkles' word for it — the American Kennel Club agrees bulldogs are one of the most beloved breeds in America.